I don’t know why I am writing this but something inside me is driving me towards it. Life is so much about achieving and running after success that we actually miss the fact that we are forgetting how to live. There is so much in life to live for, to feel for, that we can take the last breadth with full of satisfaction and with the feeling that “I lived my life to the fullest.”
Today I am here in my apartment living alone with a mindful of memories and heartful of hopes and expectations. I never planned for something too far, even when I was a kid. That’s why my parents are worried about me so much. I for myself have always tried to be simple and keep things around me simple; though whatever or however hard I try things and people end up being complicated. I really never could understand why it’s so. Sometimes, I feel that I do understand people but more I find it’s more complicated. I just wonder that why things can’t be as they seem to be.
I just thought of sharing how complicated the things could be. I belong to a family which was once one of the reputed and wealthy landlords of Bengal during the British reign. But as I see now I am just an ordinary middle class guy who doesn’t want to be ordinary anymore. I am born and brought up outside Bengal but still I got a lot of special feeling and attachment toward my mother tongue and the Bengali culture. Though I dislike a lot of Bengalis who are residing there but divided into two groups – one those have completely taken up the modern westernised culture so much that they have forgotten their rich cultural and linguistic heritage, and the second includes those people who although are mindful of the culture and traditions but are not doing anything for it or to take it ahead; they are instead wasting their time in fruitless politics wishing that some day things will change. This is solely my views based on my observations and with no malice or offence to anyone; just an honest observation. Believe me this is not an end.
When I was a kid at school, things were not very simple either but were not as complicated as they’re now. The memory of earlier parts of my schooldays is blurred since I had been changing school every third/fourth year. My dad was in a bank and they got this really freaky thing called transfers on promotions. I love the travelling part and the opportunity of making new friends but rest all of it I hate. If you are living in a place for sometime then either you get bored with the damn place or you get attached to it. I just wanted to runaway from some places but at some places I got attached, I felt connected.
Sometimes, spotting me in a crowd of students in a school was easier than spotting a butterfly in a swarm of bees. Well, people say that I got an innocent face and I hate that comment. That’s rubbish! I believe that innocence and ignorance go side by side. But yes my “innocent” face saw me through a lot of troublesome situations. But the reason that I am easily spotted is not how I look but it’s what I do and these are my attributes but people say I got an attitude problem. I say to them “you got problem with my attitude, then it’s not me to worry about.” This often makes things complicated for me.
In school, things were far simpler except for the new mid-session admission exercises and the subsequent adjustment hassles. During that time, there was nothing much to do except waking up, go to school, come back, do homework and in between relish delicious home cooked meals and lastly go to sleep to start the cycle again.
In schools, it was also easy to befriend any girl. You go to anyone start talking randomly and things just went cool. In schools, girls have open minds to make friends with boys. But as we grow up, things do not actually change people get complicated. If you are famous, people like to talk about you but not to you. People like to acknowledge you but not know you. In college, the complications are not just with girls, it’s between friends too.
When I was in my secondary school, we used to hangout in a group of 5 most of our time. But today, one of the five is depressed or disturbed — it’s a bit complicated as I couldn’t find the reason — wants to avoid us even when me meet after a long time. Honestly, I do care about them and what’s happening in their life as we have grown up together. As we are studying at different places now, I am not always properly updated. Also, our holidays don’t always match. Actually it’s been so long time that I find myself like a stranger and sometimes wonder what to talk about. I am meeting them so infrequently that I hardly know anything about their present. It’s not my fault, everybody is at different places to pursue for their career. We have joined that shit rat race, without actually knowing it.
When we were in school nothing mattered. Even when we met after long vacations, it used to be a great fun always. Earlier it was so simple, even when we made fun of each other all the time, but now people are feeling offended quite often. You may say that things change with time. But, I feel that with passage of time, as we are getting busy in our career, we are complicating our life.
I am not sure whether I have any true friend now with whom I can hangout without any inhibition. Anyone gets offended with anyone on petty matters and the worst of all they keep grudges! Also, it seems that they will carry those grudges to their death-bed. I do sometimes brawl with my friends but I never keep grudges or stop seeing them. I have also never even said sorry to anyone after that. And if I had any problem, I just tell them on their face. But now I feel scared of saying anything good or bad because it may not be appreciated unless I am sure that I have a solid reason for that.
I am feeling very sad for my roommates. They used to be like best friends forever since our first year in the college; but now they don’t even want to see each other or even talk! They talk indirectly. When one comes in the other one goes out as if they are a married couple waiting to get divorced. Actually, things are never so complicated, it’s just how one perceives it that matters. We only make the things complicated as we only see everything through our glasses and sometimes these glasses are tinted.
You always make friends and have fun but remember never allow any complication to creep in from the beginning. In case of any hint of complication, do talk it out among yourselves and never discuss with any third person. That third friend may create a breach in the friendship. Sometimes such actions are intentional and motivated and we realise that when it’s too late. So, if you want to lead happy life, then keep it simple. I know that it’s pretty difficult to keep the things simple, but any effort is worth it.